What Makes a “Bad” Girl?

This weekend I watched Splendor in the Grass with Natalie Wood and Warren Beatty. I could blog for a week about the various subjects addressed in the movie, but the one I’m focusing on today is the idea that good girls don’t go all the way. In the movie the focus was on two high school seniors that were in love, but I’m thinking broader than that. Are you a bad girl because you’ve slept with someone who you aren’t in a relationship with? If you’re not flagrantly promiscuous, a gold digger, or a user, but you are sexually active are you automatically put into the “bad girl” category?

The idea presented in this movie isn’t old fashioned, or at least it wasn’t when I was in high school. Back in the late 1900’s (a.k.a. 1990s) you weren’t automatically a bad girl if you had sex, but if you slept around that was another story. But I do think that if you’re considered a good girl, then you aren’t expected to sleep with anyone outside of a relationship. I got the good girl stigma early. Number one: I’m shy. I HATE small talk, but fortunately with my job I’ve learned to get over it. Number two: many people knew my mom and family so if I acted up it got back to her quick (i.e. a nasty story I told one teacher in 1st grade that my mom scolded me for that afternoon) and Number three: I made good grades and didn’t get into trouble. Add it all up and you get labeled a good girl, even if I wanted it or not.

I didn’t resent the label, but it can be stifling. Too many expectations are on you. And it’s too easy to disappoint others who expect you to be a pillar of virtue. So fast forward to college and my idea of: “Hey I’m away from all those people who expected me to behave a certain way. I can finally be myself and do what I want.” Translation, I made some bad decisions. But even with that I considered myself a good girl, or at least that’s what I thought until a guy in our group found out I was hooking up with another guy. His words to me, “I thought you were a good girl.” He even accused me of putting on a good girl front. Like I was some type of coochie scam artist. That pissed me off. So because I hooked up with a certain guy, who now I admit was not one of my smartest moves, I’m no longer a good girl? Suddenly I was demoted to the position of bad girl? What about the guy in question? He was promiscuous, but did he suddenly get labeled a “bad guy”, Hell no! I even had another guy tell me that I was too nice to mess with this guy. (I should have headed the warning, but hey I was 19).

Are nice girls only supposed to mess with nice guys? Sure I could have avoided a lot of self-imposed heartache by only going for nice guys. And yes, I have beaten myself up about some of my decisions, but all in all they were learning experiences. I can’t really regret what I’ve done in the past because it made me who I am. My blog post will not change the double standard that falls on men and women. No matter how liberated we are, good girls will always get a frown when someone finds out you don’t fit their mold of what a good girl should be. I’ve always hated when people look at me in amazement when I’m not perfect. The choices I made, the ideas that I have are all me. No more, no less. I still consider myself a good girl. I’m just a good girl who has been through that thing called life and the misguided judgment of youth. I was never openly hostile to people, I don’t lie, cheat or steal. (My husband’s best friend calls me Ms. Morality) I’m loyal to a fault and even when I was with the “no good guy” that was the only guy. So I never accepted the bad girl label and still don’t. A guy told me recently, I’m a cross-breed. Good overall with moments of insanity. And you know what, I will take that label J  My point: bad decisions don’t make a bad girl.