My supermom shield took a beating over the past few weeks. My day job required a few late nights last month. My oldest son twice said he didn’t like it when I worked late. I can take pretty much anything, but having my son complain about my late hours was a difficult pill to swallow. Add to that my attempts to write, and a day trip to Charleston for my firs Romance Writers of America meeting, it’s no surprise my husband’s comment when I ask if he minds if I volunteer at the SC Book Festival is “Don’t you do enough already?” Which in turns beg me to ask, can we really have it all?
I know stay at home mom’s, I truly appreciate what they do, but I couldn’t do it. Maybe it’s bad to say, but one of my first thoughts after getting pregnant was, but my career is going so well. This feeling bleed through in my first novel You Can’t Plan Love. My heroine Kenyatta doesn’t want to give up her career for kids. While I can understand the reasons to choose a career over kids, I couldn’t. So, I signed up for the difficult task of trying to have both. Both are equally rewarding. My boys are my pride and joy and I love them with all of my heart. My job gives me a personal fulfillment every time I work on projects that have a direct impact on the quality of life in the county I live in. Two pieces to a complex puzzle that makes up all of me.
But over time, the demands of my job have grown and I often feel as if I’m running on fumes. Toss in trying to start a writing career and it’s even more overwhelming. Not only do I have the guilt of being a working mom, but the guilt of feeling like I’m not writing enough. It doesn’t matter if I’m exhausted at 9 p.m., I need to write something. Edit something. Revise something. Do something substantial to prove I really want to be a writer.
As hard as it is, and as guilty as I often feel, I’ll continue to work at being the best I can at all my jobs. I’ll deal with the guilt of calling in to work on days when my kids are sick and on days when I go to work for an important meeting and beg my husband to stay home. I’ll work late when it’s necessary, and leave early when my kids need me. I’ll continue to squeeze in two sessions with a personal trainer so that I don’t weigh 300 pounds by the time I’m forty. And, I’ll continue to find some minute to work on my writing.
Damn, I’m tired just writing this. But if I didn’t do all of this, I’d be bored to tears. Do you think women can have it all?