Does a Woman’s Number Matter?

Last week I asked what I thought would be a simple question on my Facebook fan page. Single woman, early thirties, has 15 sex partners: realistic, too high, too few? I asked this question because I got married in my mid-twenties and have only slept with one person since then. I wasn’t sure if saying a woman the same age as me with 15 sex partners would be realistic or not. The responses I got was interesting.

Some thought 15 partners was too high and a turn off for a person and/or character. Others said it’s realistic and almost unfortunate that it’s so realistic. One guy said realistic, but he wouldn’t want to be with her. Then I was asked why ask the question at all. Why does a woman’s number matter, and would a man’s?

Even though my question wasn’t asked with that particular thought in mind, I guess I should have expected it to go there. A few weeks ago, there was a post on Dear Author about slut shamming by women of other women in romance novels. It’s as if a woman who has multiple partners is either a slut or an undesirable character.

I wont lament the double standard between men and women. I know that a man who slept with 15 women wouldn’t generate as much discussion on a Facebook post as the question for a woman. And if it did, I sincerely doubt the discussion would be about how unlikeable the man is.

I will say that in my humble opinion, a woman the same age as me, who’s single and slept with 15 or more men should not be considered undesirable or unlikeable. Hell, I know women who slept with that many men before getting out of college.

If a single woman dates/sleeps one man a year during her twenties that doesn’t make her a bad person. It doesn’t mean something is wrong with her because she isn’t married. Marriage and kids aren’t for everyone and even if she does ultimately want to get married, is she supposed to remain celebate or a virgin until she finds her husband.


I dive into my thoughts of what would happen to a woman saving herself for marriage through her twenties in my latest novel. And if you’ve read it, you realize I don’t think that would be as easy or fun as people may think.

In the end, I guess there are those in society who think a woman who’s had multiple partners is undesirable. That sucks, but that’s the way it goes. For good or bad, I don’t see that changing just from my simple blog post.

But the only person who should care about a woman’s number is her. Embrace it or hate it, it’s yours.  It makes you you, and nothing can change that. And if you love yourself, why would you want to change your numer anyway?