Does Your Husband Know You’re Having Lunch with Him?

Recently, I met a friend from high school for coffee. I hadn’t seen this friend in a few years, and although we connected over Facebook every so often, that’s not the same as seeing them in person and catching up on what’s happening in our lives. Well, when I mentioned to a girlfriend that I had coffee with an old friend, her immediate question was: “Man or woman?”

I laughed and said it was a man. Got an immediate, “Now, Synithia.” (FYI; this is the friend I rely on to tell me when I’m wrong). I interrupted her forthcoming you know better than to do that speech by letting her know this male friend is also a homosexual. After that explanation she was okay, and we went on to talk about other things.

Her ready reprimand got me to thinking about old friends and new relationships. More specifically, if it is ever okay to have lunch or coffee with a friend of the opposite sex when you’re in a relationship. I asked this question of my informal focus group (i.e. friends and family) at our New Year’s gathering. It was funny, but another married couple had just encountered a similar situation, except theirs was a little touchier than mine.

At the end of our informal research session, we came up with these rules for when people in relationships can go out to coffee and/or lunch with someone of the opposite sex.

1. If you had sex with that person: No.
2. If that person once wanted to have sex with you: No.
3. If you once wanted to have sex with that person: No.
4. If that person was always a platonic friend: Maybe but let your mate know.
5. Is it business related and other people are going: Yes, but let your mate know.
6. Is it business related and no one else is going: Refer to rules 1-3.
7. If that person is a homosexual: Yes

Again, these are not hard a fast rules and they are coming from my informal group. Plus, I admit I am just playing at being a “relationship expert” (I laugh as I type that).

Do you agree with our rules or not?